The Zen of the Tweet

You are what you tweet.

John McElhenney
13 min readMar 18, 2022


This is how you tweet.

+++ my “best of twitter” tweets and info +++

Now: I’m Here. / jmac breakthrough tweet, date unknown

Forget everything you’ve heard about how to tweet, when to tweet, what to tweet. Be honest, be realtime, and not a bot. jmac tweets 10–10–15

+++ the “no thank you” theme +++

Dear Tweeters, don’t think that because I start following you, you need to thank me. I’m just growing my followers. THX- jmac tweets 06–11–15

I can tell you think I’m kidding. But thank me for unfollowing you and watch how fast I change my mind. Go. / jmac tweets 11–23–14

Auto DMers on Twitter. I did not JUST CONNECT WITH YOU and I don’t want your eBook or FB page. I just followed you on #twitter #dontthankme / jmac tweets 11–2–14

MESSAGE TO THE AUTO-BOTS: “thank you for following me…” YOU WILL BE DEFEATED. First step: UNFOLLOW. / jmac tweets 5–16–13

Please don’t thank me for following. You’re just pointing out that I have no idea why I’d follow someone who thanks me for following. — jmac tweets 8–8–14

If you thank me for following you you Twitter, I obviously made a mistake. / jmac tweets 8–18–14

Thanks for the follow, thanks for the follow. Don’t thank me, RT me. Thanks. / jmac tweets 8–20–14

If you ask for a ReTweet you obviously haven’t earned many. / jmac tweets 11–10–14

If you put the phrase “Please Retweet” in your Twitter bio you deserved to be unfollowed. Or “guru” or “expert” / jmac tweets 6–25–15


When you put “quote” “christ” or “coupon” in your bio you kill my interest. Just like that. All about the same level. Let’s converse. / jmac tweets 9–27–14

EVERY COUPONER & DEALMAKER will now be REPORTED and BLOCKED. I’m sorry if this offends you. BUT… YOU ARE SPAM to me. / jmac tweets 3–21–13

Maybe you thought it was a good idea to RT that deal or coupon or special. What are you a bot? / jmac tweets 5–26–13

+++ the biggest sell-out tweet I’ve ever written

JEBUS, will you guys please retweet my stuff, so I can stop retweeting my stuff? Thank you. (ReTweet This Please) / jmac tweets 1–26–12



John McElhenney

John McElhenney is an author, life coach, and musician who lives in Austin, Texas. He’s best known for his single dad blog, The Whole Parent. (