The Sober Person’s Perspective in a Drinking World

[This post is a continuation of this post: Drinking Is Not the Problem: It’s the Emotional Exit that Wrecks Relationships.]

I was going to Al-Anon as part of my healthy living strategy. Al-Anon’s do not have a substance addiction problem, we have an emotional addiction problem. As a drinker is addicted to drinking. An Al-anon is addicted to feeling the feelings. And sometimes, those feelings are unhealthy, unproductive, and can be, outright destructive. But we’re somehow led to believe that “feeling the feelings” is the height of mental health. That idea is old. That idea is wrong. And I’m going to show you that your feelings are not always real, and they are not always worth paying attention to. Continues now…

Fuck the Feelings

As the sober person in a relationship with a drinker, you go through a lot of mental gymnastics trying to make sense of what is happening. Rationalizations. “If I do this, they will slow down their drinking,” you think. For me, it was all the damn time. I was happy, optimistic, and hopeful. Every night, the person came home and announced “Cocktail time!” I would join in for a beer or a hard cider. And our rejoining would begin. “How was your day? Tell me about it. Here’s what happened to me.”