Re-learning to Love In the Present Moment

How many ways do we project our stuff on to others? How many ways was the divorce, or end of the relationship, due to some illusion we held about the other person, or about our ability to change them? As harsh as it sounds, I believe that waiting or working to make the other partner change is a dead end. It never happens. It’s like the alcoholic’s family praying for them to change and stop drinking. You need to get help for yourself, not the alcoholic.

So we travel on now, newly divorced and looking to find another chance to do it right. Or at least, do it better. Let’s start with the reality vs. the illusion. And I have to admit, I do this A LOT. I’m a romantic. Not a hopeless one, a hopeful one. Maybe that’s the most dangerous kind.

As an adult, I have many more creative ways to express myself than the last time I was “dating” or even before that, my college years, where I established some sort of idea how a date should go. And the old adage of giving them just a little bit of affection and then leaving them alone until they crave you, or you crave them, again. That idea of the heart growing fonder with absence. As an adult, I don’t actually buy into that concept. But I sometimes go to the other extreme, and that’s not any better.

And if this blog is any indication, I overshare all the time. I’m just so interested in…