How Do You Find Love: Inside Yourself and then With a Partner

Love is an inside job too.

We think, sometimes, that by finding our ultimate partner (our soulmate) we will finally be healed of our loneliness. That’s not how it works. Still, we try to find healing in our lover. We seek a beloved who will “complete us.” But, over and over, I have to remind myself, I must be whole by myself before I can ever find someone to be complete with. I will not FIND happiness with a partner.

We Must Heal Ourselves

After each breakup, I hope you take the time to rediscover yourself. Sure, we need to pay attention to what went wrong, what red flags we ignored, what emotional vacancy was within us or our attempted partner. It failed. What are the reasons relationships fail?

• lack of emotional bonding
• one or both partners have more personal/emotional work to do
• infidelity (physical or emotional)
• loss of inspiration (the quest for the next high of “new love”)
• poor relationship skills (how you ask for what you need, and how you flex towards what your partner is asking for)
• trying to fix or change the other person
• gregarious flirting >> becomes >> interest becomes…