Going Meta: Divorce, Depression, and Befriending Sadness

I am a feeling-driven person. My moods can drive ecstatic highs of creativity and pull me into lows of lethargy and inertia.

There’s no amount of lamenting that’s going to remove the sadness I have about the divorce. No amount of time that’s going to heal the ache of loss I felt walking out the door of my house for the last time, knowing my kids were going to live 70% of their lives without my presence. Okay, so where do you go with that sadness? What can be learned from the loss of a divorce?

Put your kids first, yes, but not at the expense of yourself.

I got depressed at the onset of the divorce. Really depressed. It’s not uncommon for men, who are asked to drop everything they’ve created and start over, to get depressed. It appears the household carries on as normal, just without you. I’m sure that’s not the experience from my kids’ side, but when you are thrust into aloneness that’s how it feels.

I learned to befriend my sadness. I put my feelings in a box when I would have my kids over, every other weekend. I’d find a way to perk up, pick things up, and look alive. They knew I was hurting. I couldn’t shield them 100% from my sadness. And I could do nothing about the loss of joy that was a result of my exit from the rest of their lives.